Monday, 2 March 2015

Script Parody of Hotspur's speech in Henry IV Act 1 Scene 3

Excerpt from Pretty Poli ch46

Constable Wifebeating-Cokehead now drew nigh,
dry with rage and extreme toil, breathless and faint,
and leant panting on his billy club.
Came in his slipstream Wankstain too,
neat and trimly dressed, fresh as a bridegroom,
sporting his lush new hipster beard;
with, twixt his finger and his thumb, a sachet, 
plastic and transparent and containing 
talcum of Medellin, which ever and anon 
for all to see, he gave his nose and took away again.
Marry, this made him tallkative! And, 
as the bacon bore their prisoners by,
he questionéd the Constable and said
“Good, my lord, like know’st thou the like difference
twixt acts and laws? Yeahyeahyeahyeah,
and like art thou like standing on thine oath?”
The Constable, smarting with his wounds being cold,
and being so pestered by the poncemaker
with all his FMOTL terms, his wibble, and his likes,
answered neglectingly he knew not what,
“whatever!” or “up yours!” for it drove him nuts
to listen to Wankstain sieving through his hipster beard
his arrant nonsense about arnica
being the surest remedy for inward bruise.

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