Monday, 8 November 2021

Sunday, 31 October 2021

Excerpt from The Wokeiad to celebrate the completion of Bk2

Dalek’s dumbstruck, Abottom stands amazed.

Both sing of the Woke Alphabet the praise.

“Who could with good integrity compete

Against an eructation quite so neat?”

So for a third time J____ on dais stands,

An ending happy with relief of hands,

Wokeness approaches bearing bogroll crown,

Skulking abjectly with her ugly frown, 760

And in conclave with her chief hypocrites,

Opinion-formers, sophists, and halfwits,

Crowns J____ the Champion of the Woke Games.

Rejoice, non-binaries! Exult, ye BAME’s!

Now hoist upon your shoulders Squealer J____

Bear him in triumph to his awful throne.

And when he’s finished with the thunderbox,

Vaccinate him against the Wuhan Pox.

They celebrate the Games with a woke feast.

Abundant kale and artificial yeast. 770

Macrobiotic yoghurt, Quorn, wheatgerm,

The fruit fly larvae and the writhing worm.

Surplus of rhubarb wine not sold to Krupp,

Warmed for an epoch in a plastic cup;

Vomit-resembling orange lentil dal,

The virtue-signalling beyond banal,

Rye loaf convincing as a concrete slab,

Halloumi gibbeted on its kebab,

Ice cream of hippies boycotting Israel,

All gluten-free is the organic ale. 780

Dropsical hour arrives for keynote speech

When Hitler L__________ stands up to preach,

Casual anti-semite of hard left,

Of ill repute but still some cult’ral heft,

Cringeworthy egotist who drones for hours,

Raising remorselessly his Babel Towers,

Tsunami of concocted stats, bald lies

Confident nasal tones and shifty eyes.

And as he preaches all the sniv’ling creeps

And Antifa phalangists go to sleep. 790

And as they slumber still the windbag drones

And even vanquishes our hero J____.

No more unto the victor cede the field,

Now victor doth to filibuster yield,

Until that sour late hour when boringness

Subsumes the boor in his own puddled mess.

And as the horloge tolls, the senses numb,

The blue-haired termagents are all struck dumb.

For all except the odd degenerate,

The gurgle and the snore predominate. 800

Wednesday, 20 October 2021

My pronouns

 Today marks International Pronouns Day. In recognition of this pivotal moment in the history of hupersonkind, I take this opportunity to share my pronouns:-


Monday, 13 September 2021

Joanne Harris, author of Chocolat and woke racist

If you must insist on following this link, I suggest that you keep a bucket handy. Res ipsa loquitur.

Sunday, 6 June 2021

Extract from The Wokeiad, my ongoing heroic couplet satire of the toxic ideology underlying identity politics and cancel culture

This time the demon’s course is Eastward set,

Faster than snail but not as quick as jet,

O’er snow-capped mount, o’er desert vast and numb,

O’er palace, project, piggery and slum:

Terra incognita between the coasts

His ignorance of which the wokist boasts.

Wokeness now glides over Miami beach

Where wellness gurus pseudoscience preach

To geriatric dentists and their wives,

Those wan asthmatic martyrs to the hives.

As whale road supercedes the prairie fields,

The nimbus builds and vanquished Helios yields.

Aeolus loosens now his knotted bag,

And the Anemoi from their prison drags.

Mild Zephyr cedes to Boreas the stage,

And Auster vies with Eurus in his rage.

Zeus flings his bolts and furiously raves,

And Lord Poseidon’s trident moils the waves.

Wokeness remorselessly through wind and rain

Grinds o’er first Lusitania then Spain,

Where Helios in triumph late restored

Is by his sky-clad acolytes adored,

Then left at Benidorm and up the coast.

Where basting nudists on the playas roast.

Over the Pyrrenees to soaked Camargue,

The hinterland of France’s nouvelle vague.

Then Paris, pantheon to po-mo spells,

A shrine to Foucault and to Foucault else:

The Tunis Gary Glitter, Humbert of

Bedouin boy, undergrad’s Nabokov;

White polo-neck, bald head, smug pervert grin;

A penis peeping from its peeled foreskin.

Saturday, 15 May 2021

Chelsea vs Leicester City FA Cup Final. My thoughts

 I'm absolutely delighted to learn that there was some booing of the mindless ritual "taking a knee" to the Marxist anti-semitic Black Lives Matter movement. More of the same in future please.

Friday, 19 February 2021

Publication of Helix Folt the Conservative

 I am absolutely delighted to announce the publication in paperback and Kindle format of my fifth novel, Helix Folt the Conservative, available on Amazon as of this morning. Helix Folt is a satire of woke left wing antisemitism set in Bristol. Like my other Bristolian novels Amoeba Dick, Pretty Poli, and Odour Issues, it's very obviously a parody of a literary classic, viz. George Eliot's Felix Holt the Radical, and features many of the same characters as the other three novels.

Here's a link to the Amazon site. Keep a bucket handy.

Dear Hampshire Constabulary

Speaking as a non-racist liberal conservative ...  IT'S  OK  TO  BE  WHITE