Saturday 16 September 2023

My Russell Brand sonnet

From the Sonnets, Mostly Bristolian


Sonnet 78

Where to begin dissecting Russell Brand?

The matted rug’s quite Da’esh Caliphate.

Ditto the beard. The overactive glans

in God knows what kind of infectious state.

Creeping towards belated middle age,

the weeping winkie of this Peter Pan

has petered out, beset by phallophage.

May God have mercy on the ghastly man,

who can’t afford to put sleeves on his shirts.

Lo! On his mattress stuffed with last year’s pranks

this yahoo reeking worse than his own dirt

unglues his Bookywook and limply wanks.

He says he wants a revolution. Well,

he’ll need a lot of antiseptic gel.

I found this hilarious Swiftian Modest Proposal on Twitter this morning, courtesy of someone calling him/herself Northern Variant

As a Labour MP, I'm often chased down the road by very vocal Labour supporters. I welcome this level of passionate engagement. It's ...